tiffanygreco88

Overall Mood:  Sleepy / Lazy

Specific Behavior:  Went to Walmart to originally get a new football jersey.  They didn't have a Shockey one, so I went to the makeup department and bought the clean and clear acne kit.  Which means the stuff I bought at Pathmark the other day would need to be returned.  Bought some coke that was on sale.  Went to Billy's to watch the game.  Hung out with Shannon and Mari for the first time in weeks, and of course we sat and did nothing.  But we are all broke so what do you want me to do?  Took a nap after they left.

Thought Patterns:  Don't want to go to work tomorrow.  How does this house loose three football jerseys in two weeks.  Why my mother hasn't dried my laundry after she asked me if she wanted her to forward the laundry for me?  Why Billy always has something to say, and doesn't know when to shut the fuck up!  I am starting to think, since I started this journal that he has the problems, and makes my problems worse.  Makes me feel like I am nothing but an out of control disaster.  But he is the one who is really out of control I think.  There was no reason for those hurtful words to be said because I wasn't wearing the lap belt in my car.  He was out of control.

Relationships:  Fight with Billy that originated with a seat belt, and went into how I am such an idiot, and how I am such a fuck up, and I don't listen to anything anyone has to say, and I know it all, and that is why I'll get mine.  He kept going on, and I kept telling him to stop.  After he didn't, I told him to shut the fuck up multiple times until we got back.  He wouldn't quit.  Got extremely pissed off. 

Spending:  4 for $5 Coke Special.  Clean and Clear Acne Kit.  Bill's cigarettes and ice cream.  His dad's milk, which I still haven't seen the $5 bucks for.  I don't even live there anymore, and he just expects me to pay $5 for milk?  $5 is a lot for a gallon of milk.  These prices are out of control.

Family:  Fight with my Mother about my football jersey's missing, and why my laundry was sitting in the washer for days after she asked me if I wanted her to forward them to the dryer.  Why would you tell me that and leave them in there all weekend?  They had to be washed again.

Job:  N/A.

Responsibilities:  None, I could have just put on my lap belt and stopped Billy from going off, but it was the principle of the subject that it was my car, and my responsibility to buckle the second belt.  And how its nice for him to care and all, it was still my responsibility and he couldn't make me do it.  Drove him nuts I think.  But he should not of said those things "out of spite" because he didn't get his way.  That was just ridiculous.   I didn't say anything back out of spite however, which is living up to my goals.  I simply told him to stop, and to shut up when he didn't stop, and that he was upsetting me, and pissing me off.  Never did I say anything along the lines that you are nothing but a pothead, or your going nowhere in your life, or something along those lines, that you would probably hear his parents say.  I didn't return fire with that, and totally stopped myself from doing so.  Proud.

Eating Patterns:  Bowl of cereal, half a cup of coffee, piece of Billy's sandwich he couldn't finish, and my Smart Ones dinner from the day before.  Alfredo and Broccoli!

Overall Mood:   Panic / Anxious

Specific Behavior:   Spent most of the day watching television and just relaxing.  Filled out a lot of job applications online.  Best Buy called me up and scheduled me for an interview.  Next Saturday at 10AM with Valerie.  Started to panic about the drug test and if I would be clean by that time.

Thought Patterns:   Drug Test, Job Search, Why can't the perfect job just land on my lap?

Productivity:  Scheduled an interview with Best Buy, and filled out a lot of job applications.

Sleep Patterns:  Slept like a baby, had a nightmare about Bill.  It went like;  I went to Bill's in the early AM to buy him Dunkin' Donuts before his parents woke up.  I was laying down in his bed while he was drinking his French Vanilla Coffee Coolata.   Just then his parents barge in the room and start accusing me of sleeping over, and kick Bill out of the house.  Threw all his shit on the front lawn, and then I woke up.

Relationships:  A small fight with Bill on the phone because I couldn't hear him because he was in his room, and there is no reception in there.  I was getting kinda annoyed at the fact I couldn't hear a word he said, and was speaking a bit loud because I hate repeating myself.  Number one thing that really upsets me.  He accused me of being rude over the phone with my tone, and I was getting pissed so I said goodbye and ended the conversation before it go ugly.

Spending:  Went to pathmark, bought that Clean And Clear Acne Medication,  some Tyson Chicken Tenders, French Fries, Broccoli, a Smart Ones Fettucini Alfredo Dinner thing, Deodorant, and an orange.  Spent like 50-60 bucks.

Family:  Nothing really to report.

Job:  N/A

Responsibilities:  None today.

Eating Patterns:  A bowl of cereal, a cup of coffee, a piece of a sandwich, a slice of chicken, some french fries and lots of broccoli smothered in butter.  I ate a lot again today.

Overall Mood:  Stressed / Anxious / Jittery

Specific Behavior:  Left on time to get to work this morning, which caused a beginning of a stress free day.  All that changed when I tried to handle a tech call about a P900 Printer that wasn't working with the terminal.  Steve was busy with Dave again, what a surprise.  Jack overheard the phone conversation and he then he came behind me and said "Why isn't the knowledge base open, why was I putting them on hold, Why wasn't I troubleshooting, Why I was acting completely unprofessional, etc"  He then continued to threaten my job once again.  But he's all talk because if that were the case I would be fired already.  That comment is kept to myself.  After that I was a little shooken' up, and a little stressed out but I knew I couldn't blame him because this company has a reputation to uphold, and by acting unprofessional on the phone with the word "Um," said a couple of times gives the company a bad image.  If I owned the company and an associate did that, I would be pretty upset.  I can't blame him at all.  After he yelled at me, he came back a couple minutes later, and talked to me and explained why he flipped.  I did appreciate that a lot.  Coming from him thats almost a compliment. And I completely understand until I show him I can handle this tech position, I will not get my hours back, so I need to work hard at handling these tech problems better.  Got paid today, so I filled up my tank, bought a carton of cigarettes and pizza.  Probably because I was a little upset from work, my impulse spending caused me to buy the pizza.  Not to upset about the carton of cigarettes, it was only 66 bucks, and it will take care of two weeks, so I wont have to buy another pack until I get paid again.  Now I have 270 to play around with, and that's fine.  I need to go out tomorrow, and get deodorant, that clean and clear acne kit and chocolate.

Thought Patterns:  Society, money, my financial situation, why I can't handle a simple tech call without getting yelled at, why I can't do anything right according to my boss, and how it needs to be my personal goal to get it right, and my job, will I still have one?

Productivity:  Got a new debit card because my other one got stolen.  Luckily no charges went to the account yet, must have just gotten taken.  Got gas, pizza and cigarettes. 

Sleep Patterns:  Slept like a baby through most of the night once in weeks.  Maybe manic mode is subsiding.  Hopefully.

Relationships:  Sex drive pulsating need Bill now! 

Spending:  Tank of gas, $30, Carton of cigarettes, $66.77, Pizza, $21.56.  Knowing I am broke?  Priceless!

Family:  Actually today my mother was really pissing me off.  Telling me that she needs the money I owe her, and this and that.  Hounding me about creditors calling the house phone.  And what I am doing with these bills.  Then she managed to repeat this series of questions for almost a half hour before I told her to fuck off.  I asked nicely for her to stop multiple times, and she just kept going and really getting to me, so I snapped.  Then she asked me why I was so snippy with her for another ten minutes before I got up and walked away, before I slapped her something fierce.

Job:  Explained above.

Responsibilities:  Failed at my job today, took care of the debit card issue, that's pretty much it.

Eating Habits:  3 Garlic Knots, and 3 of those Garlic Knots with the meat inside and a slice of pizza.  Totally overate.

Overall Mood:  Anxious / Jittery / Hard to think / Unstable

Specific Behavior:  Left late to work, causing me to have a panic attack in the car as a sped almost 80 miles an hour the whole way there, praying to god a cop wouldn't pull me over.  Managed to do everything I was supposed to at my job, and my boss was in a decent mood today, so it was pleasant.  I felt dizzy the whole day, I felt like I was driving like shit and was unaware of the world around me.  I felt like I was in a daze all day.  I felt I couldn't concentrate on anything today.

Thought Patterns:  Mind was racing pretty much the whole day today.  About high school, and the friends I used to hang out with and never see anymore.  About how a screwed up in high school, and didn't graduate and had to settle for a GED.  How I ruined my potential.  How I could have graduated that Cisco class and had an apprenticeship by now, making some serious cash.  How I didn't go to college, and how much I want to go back, but can't because of my financial situation.  Worrying how I am going to pay these credit cards, when my hours will go back to normal, so I can get out of this hole.  Worried about Billy and whats going to happen with his living situation.  Wondering if Josh is going to move out, or was he just saying that for attention.  Why I can't sleep.  Why after 4 hours of sleep I feel like I had 8.  Will I be able to sleep tonight?  Why I can't think straight today at all.

Productivity:  Did the laundry, shaved, and cleaned my room.  Pretty productive today, because of the high amounts of energy I have today.

Sleep Patterns:  Estimating 3 hours of sleep all together, with the nap at Bill's and when I came home.

Relationships:  Increased Sex Drive.  Had sex twice and was loving it.  Wanting more.  No fights today with Bill.  He made me mac&cheese today, and it was awesome, but could have been better if he didn't put oregano in it.  Ewwie, next time I'll tell him not to do that.  Kinda upset my tummy a little bit. 

Spending:  Have no money to spend.

Family:  No problems today, we are on a roll.

Job:  Felt accomplished, and my boss was in a good mood, so I was more relaxed instead of stressed.  Kinda pissed off at the fact that Steve is supposed to be working with me, and I would ask him to do things, and he doesn't because he is working with Dave on Advertising because Dave can't use Photo Shop to make his ad's pretty and Steve can.  So when he is stuck doing that I am on my own.  It really got to me today, for some reason.  It like he'd be better off not there at all because he is doing nothing to help me.

Responsibilities:   Took care of them today.

Eating Habits:  A bowl of cereal, and a cup of coffee.  Some Red Barron Pizza I made for my Dad, and a small bowl of mac&cheese Billy made for me at his house.